Jeff M. Davis has the Most Important Job in the World

Teaching!
Aw that's cute.
But seriously.  I've been promoted.
I am now.....
Santa's Speechwriter.
You heard it here first, unless you saw the wikileaks about it.  And if you did, disregard the one about his beard being fake.  He's the real thing, and he's coming to CNN Language Academy!  For some reason (I'm assuming it's my speech background) I've been chosen to write the introductions and greetings for the symbol of Americanism in the Wintertime.  I am, of course, assuming I was chosen because I was better qualified, and not because of where I'm from.
Because that's racist.  And 14hoursandaworld does not support racism.
But the pressure!  Can you imagine?
Rooms stuffed to the brim with tinsel, christmas trees, advent calendars, and construction paper reindeer peeling off the walls from run-ins with soccer balls.  Classrooms that look like they were hit with Polarbear Coca Cola commercials full of gluesticks and glitter wait expectantly for a man they've only heard stories
nay
Legends about.  A man of whose existence they're skeptical.
They want to believe.  Can it be true?  A fat white guy with a beard gives stuff to the whole world for free, with an archaic delivery service?  That's a poor business model for a number of reasons my three-year-olds could diagram on the board.
When he arrives, he'll introduce himself and his present procedure to all the awestruck and wide-eyed boys and girls.  And though out on the lawn, Korea is having a brown Christmas, all through the house they will come to the conclusion that so many little American children came to before:
Santa.  Is.  Real. 
And he is the best thing EVER.

Stories of the week!
As you all know, if your lives center around me (as I'm sure they do), this week I officially hit the age where one is not likeable, (182, Blink).  Having a birthday the week of Christmas has its disadvantages, as this weekend will be dedicated to christmas celebration, so I was expecting a low-key birthday.  When out of left field, an army of awesome people spoke out and said Forbid It!  Your birthday will rock! 
My kindergarten co-teachers informed the children, who greeted me with a chorus of Happy Birthday and a book of cards they had made (some with STUNNING art skills for five year olds).  My other coworkers surprised me with a small gift of cash and something delicious.

It is not a lie. 

Also, though I didn't check the mail for them soon enough, I recieved THREE packages of presents from the states.  And I'd like to thank everyone from home who has equipped me to survive, thrive, travel, and have great snacks while I play video games.  Also (and I'm totally gonna attribute this to my birthday) The South Korean army AGAIN held live-fire drills on Yeonpyeong island, after the North told them that such actions would awaken a much more powerful Northern retaliation.  The North uncovered their coastal guns and rolled them into place as the South set up for its training.  The training began.  The South shot off every round they had not fired in the truncated drills last time on Yeonpyeong.  The North backed down.  Happy birthday to me, commies.

I'm also enrolled in a language exchange now.  Expect pictures of the place soon.  It's a wonderful little coffee shop designed specifically for English, Chinese, and Korean speakers to be able to have a place to teach each other their languages free of charge.  They have game nights, ski trips, holiday parties, the works.  The program director suggests I watch korean dramas repeatedly to learn the language.  He learned most of his English from watching friends.  And suddenly his gelled-up hairdo made much more sense. 

One more, then I'll let you go, for real this time.  I did a Lifeboat Game with my conversation class, where they are given six people of different backgrounds and skillsets on a sinking ship with a lifeboat that can hold two.  Among them were a russian sailor, a japanese computer programmer, an american congressman, a happily married scientist, and a husband and pregnant wife.  After a long debate, they saved the sailor (because someone had to get the lifeboat to shore.  very practical of them) and the pregnant wife.  It's worth noting that she was 23 and her husband was almost sixty.  They said the young sailor man and the mother-to-be would fall in love and get married and have many more children, and forget about the husband who went down with the ship.  I think they'd been watching too many dramas.  The one thing they did agree on unanimously?  The fate of that poor, poor Japanese programmer. 

And this is not related, but you can eat pokemon for snacks.  The ghastly snack has a chocolate cream center surrounded by cakey chocolate, all in a circle.  I thought it was awesome.  But I'm probably biased from a childhood spent engrossed in Pokemon Red for gameboy.  I guess you could say my evaluation of this snack. . .

(Puts on sunglasses)

It's Super-Subjective!

YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAH

Counting down til Christmas

Jeff-Teacher

Bite off more than you can chew. THEN CHEW IT.

I had lost my wallet. 
I got my old wallet and BOUGHT CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.
I lost my health.
I went to Taekwondo and ROUNDHOUSE KICKED MY ILLNESS.
I lost my computer.
My wonderful parents bought me a late graduation present with a FINGERPRINT SCAN PASSWORD.

Everytime I unlock my computer, I can hear it saying "Welcome back, Mr. Bond.  Would you like to resume being awesome where you left off?"

As a wise internet once said, "Life getting tough means the gods fear your progress."

And whatever gods reign in Korea must've feared my progress quite a bit.  But you see, all they had were misfortunes, and the hope that when all those misfortunes were expended, I'd no longer be standing on Korean soil. 

It's great to be here tonight, folks. 

On this wednesday, the entire nation is to perform an air-raid drill, with underground bomb shelters and an airforce simulation of a DPRK airstrike.  Life in a bomb bunker.  Remember my WWI references earlier?  I have a feeling they're about to get trumped.

In the case of an actual breakout of war here, some of the teachers have packed emergency bags.  I tried to compile a list of what I would need.  I might've been playing Playstation while I did it.
1. Warm, durable clothes
2. Dried food
3. Boots
4. Waterproof mats/space blankets
5. A self-defense weapon like a baton
6. A flashlight
7. A large overcoat, with a brightly colored side to signal for help.
8. A self-defense weapon like a knife
9. An assortment of money, non-korean (Dollars, yuan, pounds sterling, gil, yen, euros etc.)
10. A first-aid kit with an assortment of bandages and recovery items
11. A self defense weapon like a sword made out of guns and fire
12. Socks

I should be pretty well taken care of with that.  I think I could find around four others to travel with me, to make it South and book passage on a ship to Japan.  Although at some point we'll just get our own ship and can travel anywhere in the world, so I'm kinda looking for ward to that too.

And as is always the case with this country, tensions escalate, politicians brawl in the legislature (gavels and chairs thrown, physical takeovers, ambulances called etc) and yet.....life goes on.
In one of my classes the other day, two out of four students were gone because their middle school exams were the next week and they had to begin studying.  The other two students were falling asleep.  When I told them they couldnt sleep in my class, they informed me that they'd been up until four in the morning studying, before getting up at seven to head in to school.  Then they fell asleep, leaving me and my conscience alone in the room.  The following internal dialogue ensued.

Me:  Wow, this is really not cool.  I have to wake them up or I'll get in trouble for having no control.
Conscience:  Were you not listening to the conversation you just had?  three hours of sleep.  hana, dul, set.
Me: OH MY GOD........YOU CAN TALK!
Conscience: Yeah, I kinda bailed on you after the jello incident freshman year
Me: Right, right, good times.  Yeah those nuns totally deserved it. 
Conscience: Let's not talk about it.
Me: ok, time to wake them up.
Conscience: You do realize that it's not just about you, right?  they have homework from their actual school too.  Then after they finish your school at ten o'clock, they go to another hagwon til one in the morning.  Then they start their homework.  Then it's up for another day of it for school.  Plus every other saturday.
Me: yeah, but if I don't do it, their parents will find a teacher who will.  As will my boss.  That second one may concern me more.
Conscience:  yeah, that's the problem.  It's just so competitive here that no one's really the bad guy.  Teachers just need teaching jobs.  Hagwon owners are just trying to deliver quality education in a market that's buying as much of it as people will sell.  Parents know that if they don't keep their kids in school as late as their classmates, their students lives will suffer later.  It seems like the only way to fix this is with a law banning any facility teaching out of a textbook after, say three o'clock in the....Are you even listening?
Me;  I've got it!  Let's wake them up.  Who wants to play Uno?

And play uno we did, in english.  With the sentence structures required of that days lesson (I have one blue two.  I have number adjective noun).  Sometimes I'm not sure what I'm doing.  But every now and then there's an obvious right answer.

So remember ages ago when I promised Light-bridge pictures?  Don't say I never did nothin for ya.

 Also, here I am eating at a korean version of a sushi restaurant.

 With my coworkers

I'll leave you with the iconic Dongdaemun gate, one of the ancient entrances to Seoul, spotted while christmas shopping in the city.  For another nine months--this is my world.

Back in business, and ain't it grand?
Jeff-Teacher

Technical difficulties

Dear fans, avid readers, friends, family, and those who stumble across my blog on google,
I apologize for the interruption to 14hoursandaworld.  Technical difficulties and illness have made posting these past few weeks impossible, out of reach, or annoyingly inconvenient.  My computer and health are terribly out of order at the moment (my health temporarily, my computer terminally) (I hope).  Both should be back online within the next week pending emergency UN aid drops to my apartment.  Until then, I am truly sorry for the delay.  You may return next week for your regularly scheduled doses of humor, pictures, insightful cultural commentary, borderline offensive cultural commentary, and geography.
The weather forecast for right now is fifty degrees and foggy with intermittent rain.  What an odd December...
19 days til my birthday
23 days til Christmas
29 days til New Year's
749 days til the end of the world (according to the mistranslated mayans!)

See you soon,
Jeff-Teacher

Shells

For those who are unaware of Korean relations over the past year, I'll give a quick catchup before hitting today's news.  In late spring/early summer of this year, North Korea fired on and sunk a South Korean ship.  In late summer, North Korean artillery fired shots into the water between the two countries.  Today, however, things changed again.

At around 2:30 p.m. today, North Korean artillery began bombarding Yeonpyeong island, a populated island off the Western coast of South Korea.  Many homes were destroyed in the attack, but injuries have only been speculated, among civilians.  One South Korean soldier was killed and four were injured.  The sourth returned fire and scrambled fighter jets to the island, and the US responded by dispatching F22s to the area. 
That was about three hours ago. 
Thirty minutes ago, the North picked up the bombardment again, in the same area, and I'm told over 200 artillery shells have hit Southern soil.  I don't yet know the results of this attack, but I want everyone at home to know I'm fine.  The island IS relatively close to Incheon, but not close enough that I heard the artillery.  The North's guns may be quiet again now, but I can't tell you if they are, or if they'll stay that way. 

The North's spokesman declared the barrage as a reply to South Korean troops training in that area.

This map shows the location of Yeonpyeong with Incheon being the highlighted area of the Mainland and Incheon airport marked with the jet icon. 

Coteachers gravely informed me of the emergency, asking if I was scared.  Then their serious faces cracked and they asked if I wanted to run away (-The only direction someone in south korea could "run" to escape the country is North.)  It was a joke.  Students asked me if I'd heard of the emergency, their faces shining, each wanting to be the first messenger of the misfortune...and then they returned to their computer games. 

Surreal, to an American, to imagine shells falling on your homeland, homes on your sovereign soil burning from an enemy military's attack, and children still in school in the city nearest the barrage.   Imagine joking about it at work, while you continue business as usual.  There's no backlash or anger here.  The lack of general fear might serve to put a wary foreigner at ease.  And calm reason does tend to help in crisis situations. 
But gallows humor?
Excitement?


Where in the hell am I?


It's life as I've never seen it- living in America, it's easy to assume conflict is something that happens within a small village in MiddleEast-istan, or a tribal war in Africa.  Either way, neither is much of a threat to the actual safety of Americans going about their lives. 

Here, conflict is real.  It doesn't creep around in whispered words in foreign neighborhoods, it knocks at the front door with coastal shells.  Even as I write this, I wonder if I should feel foolish-
If everyone else is calm, am I worrying for nothing?
Is this only an American's inability to deal with the reality of conflict? 
Or is this shell of Korean bravado just a way of dealing with the fact that their elephant in the room is crazy and armed?

Erich Maria Remarque said (of being on the recieving end of artillery) "...we are in a good humor, because otherwise we should all go to pieces."

The response of adopting a holiday mood is, thus, the only one that makes sense.  If there is danger, or if there isn't, no one benefits from being panicked.  Shells (or worse) may fall on South Korea, but this country understands a reality that Americans (myself included) have yet to fully grasp-
If children begin their martial training at 3 years old
If ALL men of the country must serve in the military
If clear and present danger is understood to be a ridiculous concept (since you always border such danger)

-Then maybe that country won't suffer from the violent inability to handle violence that plagues Americans.  I would remind you here that many in the US on September 12, 2001 (the only time in my lifetime where I've seen an enemy attack MY home soil) were crying out to the government to make the middle east a sea of glass. 
I've wondered before at this toughened, militarized way of life.
I've seen how it manifests in everyday life.  I've seen the people that live it.  I've seen what they do.
Thanks for joining me in finding out why.

In a recent update, pressure has been increasing on China to reject North Korea's proposed Nuclear Delivery Device, as China is currently the only country with the manufacturing capacity to deliver on the 1.5 million rubber bands required to power the 2-acre slingshot.

See?  I can do it too.  I'll be developing weapons-grade wit tonight when I'm done with Taekwondo.
Til next time, I'll keep you updated
Jeff

Jeff M. Davis vs. Scott Pilgrim vs The World

There are times I have to sit and wonder at the fact that I live in a place old enough to have tales of swordsmen wandering the land.  Of kings and empresses, of dynasties and palaces that rose in splendor and fell to ruin.  A place so old it has its own mythology.  There are times I have to marvel at the fact that I live in a world that much of our video-game driven culture wishes it could glimpse.
If you've ever felt that way,

This is for you.

Korea Fantasy VII: The Legend of Jeff-Teacher

Name: JEFFM

Old Woman:  Oh that’s right, your name is JEFFM.

Old Man:  Oh, those monsters sent by evil emperor KIM are outside, again. 

Old Woman: Maybe JEFFM will be the one to save us from them.  He certainly did appear on the beach in a storm like the Choson One was prophesied to do.

Old Man:  Of course, but we can’t send him out empty handed.  Help yourself to our wares!

You got the Travel Bag! You can now carry more items!

Old Man:  Off you go, stop by if you ever need a rest from your travels, JEFFM!

A wild CHICKENHOF appeared!

CHICKENHOF was defeated!

CHICKENHOF: AAAAAAARRRRGH!  But you're going to need more than that to beat COWBOY ANDY!  Hahahahahaha!

>This way to Bupyeong Subway

SUBWAY ENGINEER CID:  Hiyaaa, where ya goin?

 Arriving at Incheon- Arts Center district

 LOTTE GUARD:  Who goes there?  No one enters LOTTE without a CARD KEY!  Do you have a CARD KEY?

Player's Guide Tip:  LOTTE can't be accessed at some times on certain days until you obtain the CARD KEY.  Until then, try one of the smaller adjacent stores to rest and replenish!

Level Up!  JEFFM is now level 23 (in Korean)!  JEFFM learned "Taekwondo- Speed"!  JEFFM learned "Stop playing now before the soldiers play and embarass me"!

...You can't actually do that in real life.

COWBOY ANDY:  Well howdy there, pardner!  Did the Bears win the series this year?

 Victory!

That's enough playing for now.  I gotta stop wasting time on this game and actually DO something with my life today.  I wish the real world was this exciting...

15 Hours and a World?

Time changed. 
Not for me, but it did.  That got me wondering- why does time change in the US, but not here?
Americans sure like our change, huh?  Adaptation, progress, change.  You see it in every aspect of what we do. 
That daylight savings is so six months ago.  Time to change.
You bought that car two years ago?  Time to change.
You finished college and still live with your parents? Time to change.
The politicians you elected last time haven't saved the world?  Time for Change.
Faster, shinier, newer, younger.  That building is from thirty years ago-- tear it down for something more up-to-date.

And then there's Korea.  Yes, a land of technology and innovation.  Yes, a land that has seen unbelievable economic turnaround in the past century.  But change isn't the assumption here.
Architectural designs from the 1600s persist today.  Traditional martial arts are untainted by the MMA craze.  Bloodletting is still proscribed as a cure for stomachache. 
Why do I tell you all this now? 
It's a good thing you asked.  I was really getting into that monologue.
I had a class today with my discussion class where we talked about age.  These students are 12-15 years old.  Please keep that in mind.

Jeff:  What age does someone have to be, in order to be Old?
Students: 60.
Jeff: 50 isn't old?
Students:  50 is young.
Jeff:  So your parents (They had previously told me their parents were in their forties and fifties) are young?
Students: Yes.
Jeff:  Do your parents think like you?
Students: (Almost unanimously) Yes.
Jeff:  Did you know Americans can drive at fourteen?  what do you think of that?
Students:  That's dangerous.  They should have to be older.

...Would you EVER get these answers from American fourteen year olds?  How many preteens would tell you their parents aren't old?  I can easily picture a classroom full of American high schoolers sitting and calmly informing me they see eye-to-eye with their parents on most issues.  And that their parents are young.  And that they aren't mature enough to drive.  And that video games are bad.  And that they would like to have less money.  And that Abercrombie and Fitch isn't THE coolest thing ever.

We went on to talk about politics.

Jeff:  Do you think you could do a good job being president?
Students:  No.  We are not old enough.
Jeff:  Why is that important?
Students:  We don't have experience.
Jeff:  How old should a president have to be?
Students: Fifty.
(Readers should note at this point that President Barack Obama is 49 years old-- Twenty years the junior of Korea's President Myeong-Bak Lee.  When I informed them that Obama's opponent was around 70 at election time and called too old, they were flabbergasted)

(Flabbergasted is a ludicrously fun word)

(Flabbergasted.  hah.  Ahem)

Marriage
Jeff:  What age do you think people should get married?
Students:  28-29
Jeff:  Why then?
Students:  By that age, you can be finished with college and have a job, a house, and a car.  But not a cheap Daewoo.   GM owns them now.
Jeff:  Many people I know get married around 22-23.  As soon as they finish college.
Students:  (shocked gasps)  So young?!

Dear America,
You are good at many things.  But how many of our sixteen year olds have the maturity to admit that they don't have the maturity to lead a nation?  How many sixteen year olds would say such concerns as financial stability and a home and a BMW should determine the time for marriage, rather than Love?  This culture is obviously not perfect, but I was very impressed with what I saw today

Also, I can Kip-up and Back-Handspring now.  How cool is that?  Today I trained in punching speed by attempting to put out a candle flame without touching it- simply with the speed of my punch.

...When I get a training montage (which I will HAVE to at some point this year, before my testing and tournament), it will without question include punching out the fire.

Tune in next week for a photo essay of the light-bridges of Mansu-yuk-dong!
Til then,
Jeff-Teacher

Happy Halloween from Korea!

So the past few weeks I've told you ALL about this place without telling you much about...this place.  For an example of what I mean, think of your best friend.  how do you describe him or her?  Is he tall with blonde hair?  Does she have long hair and blue eyes?  Is he the guy in the red shirt? ( or  "was he the guy in the red shirt?" if you're a star trek fan).  Did she have the long, overly elaborate name that either means she lived in the 1460s or her parents don't get out much?  We forget how much of even our basic ways of describing who we're talking about are based on coming from an individualistic society. 
Korea is not exactly as diverse as America.  It's hard to explain what it's like to walk down the streets of a major city and see only one ethnic group.  I get attention just for being of a different race.  It's really incredible.  But it goes further than that.
Yes, very dark brown hair and brown eyes describes 98% of the people I see.
But school uniforms further erase personal lines.  And almost every single school has them.
And what if I went on to say that these schools also require school haircuts for both boys and girls?
And every family name I've heard is one syllable, while the first names are two.
So how do you describe someone here without all the factors we take for granted?  Well one of my students was trying to tell me about another and described her as the girl with small eyes.

I'm not gonna touch that one.

Either way, the culture is so far divorced from our belief that individuality is an ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY part of life, it still shocks me sometimes. 


On a completely unrelated note, I did have a fun and enlightening experience with a class.  I'd like to hear your thoughts on it because I may be losing perspective on the issue.  When talking to one of my upper-level classes, I had them do a simulation where they decided how to run a government.  Their top priorities? 
1. Providing care for the elderly
2. A strong military
3. Medical and technological research. 
Other options on the list included free hospitals, college grants to students, free k-12 public schools, and even sanitation services.  Ever-interesting.  I'm not sure I could pinpoint the answers an American school would give as to what the government should spend its money on, but I'm intrigued to hear your thoughts as to how we would rank it.  I may have them play the lifeboat game next.  THAT will be a challenging day.

I'd like to leave you with one more story, in the spirit of halloween.  It's a korean ghost story that all the children down to nine years old knew.  It goes something like this
A middle school is preparing for the end of the year, and the students in the classrooms are aware of the rankings- who is the number one student, who is second, who is third.  On one of the last few days of the school year, the number two student invites the number one student up for a rooftop celebration of how much butt the two of them kicked on the school.  Except the stakes are a little higher than that, you see.  The number one student has a much more promising future because of the rank, and the number two knows this.  And as they toast each other on the rooftop, 2 pushes 1 off the roof.  The class is in mourning as the school year wraps up, and when the final exams are less than a week away, 2 is studying alone in the building late one night.  It's storming outside (as outside is wont to do in these stories) and when number two looks out, and sees something strange silhouetted by a flash of lightning, this genre-unaware student pops over for a look.  Peering out the window into the darkness, unable to see anything, the student is shocked when the lightning flashes again, showing the eyes of student 1 staring right back through the glass.  Student 1 reaches through the window and grabs 2 by the throat, pulling both of them to a very poetic end.

The moral of this story could be one of either two things.  It clearly shows how much pressure is on these students.  When the children are pushed so hard every day to attend multiple schools and fight for their life in an ever-more-competetive school system, it breaks them, and costs them their childhood.  It hurts somewhere inside my chest to see a 10-year-old leaving school at five oclock (her second school of the day) and I ask her if she's headed home now only to be be told that she is headed to another school.  There's no doubt in my mind that the first lesson we can take from this story is a warning of the dangers of such a high-pressure school system.


The second lesson is always be student number 3.

'Til next time,
Jeff-Teacher