An excerpt from the Beginning of my Training in Tae Kwon Do
My footsteps echoed on the timeworn blocks when I entered the temple, blocks already ancient twice over before ever man decided to sail west from the Old World. Rows of students with a lifetime of dedication to the Art watched, cheekbones dagger-lean of a diet of rice, pickled cabbage, and vegetables grown in the temple garden. Their eyes reflected none of the dim light of the evening sun, the heavenly orb itself wary of the ancient masters who sat with their feet cradled in their own laps. Gray mustaches and beards draped as wisps of scarves around the ancient lips, entwining with the haze that filled the mountain air.
I bowed as low as I could, my nose inches from bricks the color of shadow, of immeasurable wisdom. Impossible was practiced here.
"Honored Masters," I began, hoping my voice didn't allow the tremor in my knees "My name is-"
"We know your name, Son of America." I looked up in surprise, not sure if I was allowed to meet the speaker's eye. Even less sure which had spoken.
"We know you seek to learn the ways practiced here," came the voice again, the reed-thin quaver that pierced the fog like diamonds winking in soot,"Know, however, that none of your people have ever been granted audience with the masters before. However, your journey to this temple proves your firm resolve. Your journey from your home proves your strength of spirit. There is yet one final test."
All eyes turned to me, moving as a single being, snakelike in the stillness.
"You must face in single combat the champion of our Way."
...is what WOULD have happened, if my life were a 1970's kung fu movie. The truth is far less grandiose. But equally impressive in many ways. My "temple" is a second-floor studio a block from my home. Inha Elite academy. And while the Master DID know my name, he certainly didn't monologue to me, because he speaks no English. The teachers here aren't emaciated monks- they're ex-military international tae kwon do gold medalists.
This is no US McDojo, where obese white children brag about black belts worth less than the materials they're made from. This is a training facility in the home of the art, where the mother tongue is spoken out of necessity. I learn the korean words as I learn the strikes to go with them. whoahboy.
Day 1- Stances
A ready stance. feet together, hands in fists in front. a slow preparation. I don't ask, I just do.
A horse-riding stance, squarely facing your target. Feet far apart, almost a squat, to throw punches.
PUNCHES! OOOH! I KNOW THIS ONE!
(for those of you unfamiliar with my training, I've boxed for several years)
I threw the first punch
"oh, no no no no no" -- well now I know one english word my teacher DOES know.
He pulled my fist across my body instead of straight out. It's not my place to question why....
I punched across my body.
"oh, no no no no no no" -- Great. he's a big fan of this word.
He pushes my fists down. All of my training, every boxing coach i've ever had, and the Collective Western Media say in unison -"wait, what?". In Tae Kwon Do, it seems that you don't guard yourself the way we'd expect you to. THAT'll take some getting used to.
After my new teacher carelessly dissects everything I know about fighting, I get a chance to talk to the other students (some of whom speak some English). And from this conversation I gained an interesting perspective.
The teacher told his students I boxed. Their eyes went wide...I mean, their eyes went.....wider than they normally.....RACISM IS NOT OK!
Anyway, they clamored to see my biceps, asking me to flex my arms. Slowly I made out their reasoning for this: if Western boxers can fight with only their arms, it stands to reason that they must have impossibly powerful arms. Well, I declined to underwhelm them with my gun show; I let them hold on to their fantasy of superhuman fighters from a foreign land who are capable of incredible feats of fighting skill.
Which seems oddly familiar...
Day two
Sports day
Oh good, a day to show the students here that I am in fact an athlete. While my taekwondo form is bad, I really am capable of some degree of athleticism.
And so we play soccer.
Now I don't play much soccer. And I've spent the past few years training my handspeed, minimal footwork, and abdominal and punching power. And now I enter into a competition of speedy footwork and kicking precision.
Let me break to say that a small, walled room, a floaty rubber ball (the purple kind that smell like new shoes and cherry bubblegum), and a group of blackbelts in a kicking game QUICKLY turns into what we'd jokingly call Shaolin Soccer. Only it's all done with an air of casual indifference.
Oh, he just pulled that ball from two feet above his head with an axe kick, no big deal
Hey, you just blocked a penalty kick behind you with a spinning back kick, whatever
The master just scored a goal shot with a TORNADO KICK, it was way decent.
They say that if I train every day (which is my plan), I can earn a black belt in ten months. If the first week's stretches don't break me in half* first.
'til next time
Jeff M.
*Fragmentation Syndrome is the leading cause of first-week casualties in Tae Kwon Do. If we raise awareness, we could see the end of FS in our lifetime!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Just like us, but better with chopsticks.
(Disclaimer: I tried to take this week's pictures with my new smartphone camera. Turns out the phone is smarter than I am, and it won't be persuaded to part with its pictures. Back to the camera )
(old-timey radio serial annoucer voice)
and now...
The exciting conclusion to Chuseok!
We last left our intrepid hero with new friends and family, plunging into the vast unknown, armed with only his trusty travel bag, a little cash on hand, and a super-communicator from the future!
So the second day of the visit was fun too. Went to church with the family and met some wonderful people, including a gentleman who spoke fluent english,
german
french
hebrew
spanish
latin
and aramaic
I can totally grow better facial hair than him though.
The church was pretty much the same as any i've been to in all honesty, except that they hadn't adjusted the Jesus in their paintings to be of their own race. Which shows them to be less arrogant than Western churches.
Or proves that Western churches have actually been right all along- that Jesus was really a white person living among semitic peoples.
The sermon over, my host and I stepped out into the pouring rain for a decidedly different view of Seoul
Seoul II: a Darker Day.
Today we visited the area of Seoul that is not populated by mega-malls and glittering monuments stretching to the moon. We saw traditional craft shops and underground protest art galleries (which are honestly the same everywhere)- concrete walled basements with holes in the walls so dark that they look painted on, surrounded by black and white photos of the excesses and wastes of a corrupt government and cutthroat politics. View after bleak view of the world greeted our dripping umbrellas as the art exhibits cried for visitors to see their angst, oppression, and egocentrism. One of them had a North Korean in a bunnysuit.
I'm actually not kidding. It was titled Bunny's Couch.
Well, we soon left the underground art galleries, put out our cigarettes, took off our berets, and replaced our faith-in-humanity hats. After a look at the nearby museum to the history of the Korean people (and the seat of the Ancient Choson society, for anyone familiar with Age of Empries), it was time to say goodbye.
(old timey announcer)
And then our intrepid hero was alone, exploring the world, searching evermore for that elusive Freedom
(old timey announcer leaves)
Park. Freedom park is the site on Incheon harbor where General MacArthur landed the UN forces to fight the Communist forces that were on their way to defeating the South Korean army. The park has a statue of the General set on a hilltop, always guarding the harbor like the stone dragons on the tombs of Emperors long dead. The inscription on the memorial tells of his incalculable genius, infinite wisdom, and almost unbelievable operation that saved the Korean people- declaring that the nation will hold him "eternally in honored memory." The monument goes on to say that the Koreans should remember his wisdon "until the last battle against the malignant infection of communism has been won."
TRAVELLER TIP: While "US Out Of Everywhere" bumper stickers are standard fare for college students, I'd advise you not to wear your Che Guevara t-shirts in Korea. This people, having ACTUALLY encountered communism, might have a few things to say to you about how terrible US intervention is.
Everyone smiled at me (the only American in the park) and wanted to try out their best "Hello!", including a high school freshman whose father made her prove that her english lessons had been worth his Weon. She asked me about America, what I though of Korea, and how I felt about eating Dog. It reminded me of my own father egging me on to the same conversation with Taiwanese students in Chinese years ago.
We're not so different, Us and Them
And if that wasn't clear enough, a father and son played baseball in the park in front of that statue. You could almost smell the fireworks and hotdogs.
I actually had a chance to personally visit South Korea's secret weapon against the power of Communism:
Lotte
A superconglomerate corporation that runs food production, supermarkets, fast food restaurants, theme parks, hotels, financial services, appliances, baseball teams, construction firms, cinemas, and of course, the Lotte Department Stores- These megaliths are monuments to consumerism as plain as the monument on Freedom Park. They are elaborately adorned inside and out, temples to the gods of Coach, Tommy Hilfiger, Gucci, Ralph Lauren, Uniqlo (a japanese H&M), Burberry, and many many more. And you can worship at up to 20% off this week only!
Between MacArthur and Emporio Armani...North Korea doesn't stand a chance.
Unless they sneak in dressed in bunny suits.
(old-timey radio serial annoucer voice)
and now...
The exciting conclusion to Chuseok!
We last left our intrepid hero with new friends and family, plunging into the vast unknown, armed with only his trusty travel bag, a little cash on hand, and a super-communicator from the future!
So the second day of the visit was fun too. Went to church with the family and met some wonderful people, including a gentleman who spoke fluent english,
german
french
hebrew
spanish
latin
and aramaic
I can totally grow better facial hair than him though.
The church was pretty much the same as any i've been to in all honesty, except that they hadn't adjusted the Jesus in their paintings to be of their own race. Which shows them to be less arrogant than Western churches.
Or proves that Western churches have actually been right all along- that Jesus was really a white person living among semitic peoples.
The sermon over, my host and I stepped out into the pouring rain for a decidedly different view of Seoul
Seoul II: a Darker Day.
Today we visited the area of Seoul that is not populated by mega-malls and glittering monuments stretching to the moon. We saw traditional craft shops and underground protest art galleries (which are honestly the same everywhere)- concrete walled basements with holes in the walls so dark that they look painted on, surrounded by black and white photos of the excesses and wastes of a corrupt government and cutthroat politics. View after bleak view of the world greeted our dripping umbrellas as the art exhibits cried for visitors to see their angst, oppression, and egocentrism. One of them had a North Korean in a bunnysuit.
I'm actually not kidding. It was titled Bunny's Couch.
Well, we soon left the underground art galleries, put out our cigarettes, took off our berets, and replaced our faith-in-humanity hats. After a look at the nearby museum to the history of the Korean people (and the seat of the Ancient Choson society, for anyone familiar with Age of Empries), it was time to say goodbye.
(old timey announcer)
And then our intrepid hero was alone, exploring the world, searching evermore for that elusive Freedom
(old timey announcer leaves)
Park. Freedom park is the site on Incheon harbor where General MacArthur landed the UN forces to fight the Communist forces that were on their way to defeating the South Korean army. The park has a statue of the General set on a hilltop, always guarding the harbor like the stone dragons on the tombs of Emperors long dead. The inscription on the memorial tells of his incalculable genius, infinite wisdom, and almost unbelievable operation that saved the Korean people- declaring that the nation will hold him "eternally in honored memory." The monument goes on to say that the Koreans should remember his wisdon "until the last battle against the malignant infection of communism has been won."
TRAVELLER TIP: While "US Out Of Everywhere" bumper stickers are standard fare for college students, I'd advise you not to wear your Che Guevara t-shirts in Korea. This people, having ACTUALLY encountered communism, might have a few things to say to you about how terrible US intervention is.
Everyone smiled at me (the only American in the park) and wanted to try out their best "Hello!", including a high school freshman whose father made her prove that her english lessons had been worth his Weon. She asked me about America, what I though of Korea, and how I felt about eating Dog. It reminded me of my own father egging me on to the same conversation with Taiwanese students in Chinese years ago.
We're not so different, Us and Them
And if that wasn't clear enough, a father and son played baseball in the park in front of that statue. You could almost smell the fireworks and hotdogs.
I actually had a chance to personally visit South Korea's secret weapon against the power of Communism:
Lotte
A superconglomerate corporation that runs food production, supermarkets, fast food restaurants, theme parks, hotels, financial services, appliances, baseball teams, construction firms, cinemas, and of course, the Lotte Department Stores- These megaliths are monuments to consumerism as plain as the monument on Freedom Park. They are elaborately adorned inside and out, temples to the gods of Coach, Tommy Hilfiger, Gucci, Ralph Lauren, Uniqlo (a japanese H&M), Burberry, and many many more. And you can worship at up to 20% off this week only!
Between MacArthur and Emporio Armani...North Korea doesn't stand a chance.
Unless they sneak in dressed in bunny suits.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Seoul- Light up the Sky
Well, it's been a few days since you heard from me, and big developments are taking place.
1. I have a bank account. I'm like a person now.
2. I have internet. I'm like a korean person now.
3. I have a sweet smart phone. I'm like a young korean person now
1. I have a bank account. I'm like a person now.
2. I have internet. I'm like a korean person now.
3. I have a sweet smart phone. I'm like a young korean person now
4. I have a working webcam annnnnd.....a CAMERA. You got it. that means pictures finally.
These were all accomplished in the last two days, and have made my life so much better. I have some basic photos of my apartment and my work and whatnot, but let's save the important information for next post, and look at the specifics of my trip to Seoul instead today.
My weekend began on tuesday of this week when the co-owner of CNN academy invited me to stay with their family for the weekend over the coming Chuseok vacation. She told me I should go to Seoul witht her son, and thtat he would take me shopping. She told me he was very handsome. With no other plans in mind, I agreed.
Saturday, I met him around lunch time and we hit the trains for Seoul. As we rode, my hand started to hurt, and I looked at the grab handle I was holding and, to my surprise, saw a set of miniature plastic spikes staring back
These were all accomplished in the last two days, and have made my life so much better. I have some basic photos of my apartment and my work and whatnot, but let's save the important information for next post, and look at the specifics of my trip to Seoul instead today.
My weekend began on tuesday of this week when the co-owner of CNN academy invited me to stay with their family for the weekend over the coming Chuseok vacation. She told me I should go to Seoul witht her son, and thtat he would take me shopping. She told me he was very handsome. With no other plans in mind, I agreed.
Saturday, I met him around lunch time and we hit the trains for Seoul. As we rode, my hand started to hurt, and I looked at the grab handle I was holding and, to my surprise, saw a set of miniature plastic spikes staring back
Traditional Korean hand massage, he told me. My delicate American skin couldn't handle the massage, and I had to look for softer handles. Well, we made it through the trains to the Seoul Station (a massive, multi-level underground complex with trains of many different varieties running under and above and across each other.) I had no idea how to find our way out of there. Good thing he did.
These maps were all over the subway. sattelite views that you can move via touchscreen to find the exact address. Once found, you can actually go down to street level and look around and walk down the streets to actually walk into location before you went there. They didn't have the app yet where you could order in the restaurants. Virtual Takeout. It's gonna be a thing
After we left the station we hit the malls, and I have to tell you, Seoul malls put american malls to shame. They open at 10 a.m. like American malls, but run til 4:30 in the morning. You shopped til you drop? SHOP SOME MORE! Inside was incredible, floor after floor after floor of criscrossing escalators taking you to new floors for sportswear, casualwear, shoes, shoes2, childrenswear, shoes3, pets, volcanoes, churches, intangible enlightenment, and restrooms.
and SUITS
After we left the station we hit the malls, and I have to tell you, Seoul malls put american malls to shame. They open at 10 a.m. like American malls, but run til 4:30 in the morning. You shopped til you drop? SHOP SOME MORE! Inside was incredible, floor after floor after floor of criscrossing escalators taking you to new floors for sportswear, casualwear, shoes, shoes2, childrenswear, shoes3, pets, volcanoes, churches, intangible enlightenment, and restrooms.
and SUITS
And let me tell you, the Koreans know how to tailor suits. Holy cow. Wearing a korean-cut suit adds about as much to your attractiveness factor as if you stepped out of your diamond ferarri on the back of a chocolate horse. But it's a good thing they got suits right. Because they don't do everything right.
Go cowboys.
So we left the malls (or rather, he dragged me away) With me buying only a backpack (Which I'd foolishly forgotten to bring to Korea from the States) and an $8 tie. The salesman warned me that koreans like their ties cut thinner than westerners. I was so disheartened that I bought it on the spot.
After searching forever to find a store that would sell a smartphone to a foreigner on a contract, I finally got one, and now I can Google chat anyone in the states any time for free! Its like we're in the future...
Anyway, as we waited for the phone to be activated, my friend took me out to his favorite type of korean restaurant for a dinner of grilled pork and vegetables. You grill the pork yourself, dip it in sauce, and put it in a leaf of lettuce with vegetables and rice, then eat the whole thing in one bite. (yeah. considered polite here. yeah.) It was, quite honestly, delicious.
After searching forever to find a store that would sell a smartphone to a foreigner on a contract, I finally got one, and now I can Google chat anyone in the states any time for free! Its like we're in the future...
Anyway, as we waited for the phone to be activated, my friend took me out to his favorite type of korean restaurant for a dinner of grilled pork and vegetables. You grill the pork yourself, dip it in sauce, and put it in a leaf of lettuce with vegetables and rice, then eat the whole thing in one bite. (yeah. considered polite here. yeah.) It was, quite honestly, delicious.
I tried to pay at the end of the meal, but he got to the waiter first because he could speak the language and I couldn't. Defeated. I would be ready next time. We stepped out into the beautiful night of Seoul, and he said we were going to the most beautiful spot in the city. I asked him where, and he pointed. Up.
Seoul tower. High on a mountain on the edge of town. Above all the lights of the city, Seoul had to find a way to put up even MORE lights. The obvious solution was a Jetsons' house on top of a mountain. To get there, we took the NamSan cable car. A railcar went up the side of the mountain, and after that, a line wound its way around a small tower that went up to meet the cable car. The line was ninety percent couples, gazing into each others' eyes and whispering into each others' ears and taking pictures together.
The night air was hot, but the air conditioners inside were so powerful that I was almost disappointed in him for not bringing a jacket to put around my shoulders. The cable car drifted down from the mountaintop, lights winking, giving the impression of some futuristic airliner touching down.
It fairly flew up the mountain, so quickly that I caught myself holding my breath as we went over each set of support poles (heights...not my favorite) (in retrospect, this trip...what was I thinking?). When we "landed", I was suprised to find that after the railcar, tower, and cable car, we still had climbing to do. We had a traditional korean drink made with ice and sugar and rice (I could tell you it really isn't as strange as it sounds, but I have to represent the truthful integrity of bloggers everywhere). As we neared the top, the tower loomed over us, and I felt a little dizzy just looking at it. As ivory towers go, this one was an ivory tower.
Hundreds of feet up. He offered to pay for me to go up there, but I said no thank you. We were high enough as it was. And besides. The view of the lights of Seoul from the top of the mountain wasn't too bad.
Seoul
On the mountaintop, there were other notable things to see. First of all was the proof that this was THE romantic destination in Seoul: a set of trees made entirely out of padlocks. Each lock attached to a plastic heart with the names of the couple on it. Some looked like they had seen the years, and some couples were
putting on new ones as we watched. 
Also of note was a set of lit up ghostly wire figures floating through the treetops over the heads of the people who walked on the plaza at the top of the mountain. Beautiful in an Are You Afraid of the Dark sort of way.
Also a lit up fountain with dry ice smoke. Because you can never illuminate enough things.
So after enjoying the sites around Seoul Tower, I realized what the cable car tickets had meant when they said One Way-- we were climbing back down the mountain. Am I a young, healthy specimen of a red blooded American? sure. But I was carrying four days of clothes in my backpack and the suitcase I had brought to carry them in before I bought the backpack.
While the climb back down the mountain over an hour's worth of lamp-lit winding stairs was TECHNICALLY not endless....
I was very glad to see the bottom.
Bonus Features!
Upon reaching Seoul once again, we saw a movie being filmed in the park!
No movie stars were present. Or maybe they were. Who knows? not me.
Exhausted and hungry from the climb down, my friend and I went out for a late night snack
For those of you who didn't read last week's blog and don't get it- Look! Cute Puppies!
For serious, though. He showed me to a super-cheap hole-in-the-wall place that was frequented by young, loud university students who could put away their Soju. We had Paja (korean squid pizza) and rice wine slushies (brilliant invention, by the way). It was a fun little restaurant.
This time, I made sure to pay.
That's all for today, tune in next time for the exciting conclusion of Chuseok!
Til then,
Jeff
Til then,
Jeff
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
In a world where all food is technically asian food...ONE MAN....is hungry ALL THE TIME
A lot of questions have arisen about food here, so this post will focus mostly on the dining experience of Korean food.
First of all, let me just say that Americans don’t know jack about spicy. Yes, I’m even looking at you, Buffalo Wild Wings fans. Just because you can keep adding more and more pepper to the sauce of your “hot food” item doesn’t really qualify you for the Spicy Food experience ofKorea America
The meat is hot. The side dishes are hot. The SAUERKRAUT is hot (and eaten with every meal). The soup is hot. And you drink water with them. Or alcohol if you’re that bold (incidents of the liquor igniting when coming into contact with the sauces are quite common. 277 Koreans die every year from explosions caused by their sauces.) And in all honesty, I’ve shied away from the foods they told me were actually spicy. In other words, the food gets so hot, you wish your tired tongue was fire proof.
UNDEEERRRR THE BOARDWALK.
apologies. Stuck in my head. What can you do?
First of all, let me just say that Americans don’t know jack about spicy. Yes, I’m even looking at you, Buffalo Wild Wings fans. Just because you can keep adding more and more pepper to the sauce of your “hot food” item doesn’t really qualify you for the Spicy Food experience of
The meat is hot. The side dishes are hot. The SAUERKRAUT is hot (and eaten with every meal). The soup is hot. And you drink water with them. Or alcohol if you’re that bold (incidents of the liquor igniting when coming into contact with the sauces are quite common. 277 Koreans die every year from explosions caused by their sauces.) And in all honesty, I’ve shied away from the foods they told me were actually spicy. In other words, the food gets so hot, you wish your tired tongue was fire proof.
UNDEEERRRR THE BOARDWALK.
apologies. Stuck in my head. What can you do?
Another interesting experience I’ve had was visiting the very western Dunkin Donuts for a bagel one morning. I saw on the overhead menu that they served hotdogs, but the food was labeled Hot-Sausage-Bread. I laughed inwardly. How overly complicated! Why not just call a hotdog a hotdog? (if you know where this is going, don’t shout it out right now. You’ll spoil it for the rest of the audience). I thought nothing of it until my coworker and I met her friend at the mall. Shortly after introductions, my coworker did the quick rundown of where have you been/ what cute new tops did you buy/ did you eat already? And she had. And when asked about this, she replied that she’d had dog for dinner and it had been quite delicious. Ancient traditional food? Yes. Alive and fetching? Absolutely. Need more proof? In the unit on occupations, I asked my kindergarten class what a doctor would need, a teacher, a firefighter, etc. Then I got to chef.
Jeff-Teacher: Now what would a chef need for his job? I think he would need…..beef!
Jeff-Teacher: Now what would a chef need for his job? I think he would need…..beef!
Student: Fishy!
Student: Chicken!
Student: Chicken!
Student: Dog?
JT (yeah, JT. That just happened): did you say “Duck?” *quacking duck call with my hands*
Student: *laughing incredulously* Nooo! Dog! Arf arf!
(Of course, by now the rest of the class had latched onto the duck call noise with their hands, and I had to quiet my room of quacking ducks down, which admittedly gave me an excuse to not have any reaction to the barking little livestock)
Don’t worry though, I was reassured by my co-worker’s friend, they only eat big dogs, not little ones. And that makes sense. No matter how good the meat was, could you imagine a whole pasture full of cockapoos?
I think I’d eat them first.
JT (yeah, JT. That just happened): did you say “Duck?” *quacking duck call with my hands*
Student: *laughing incredulously* Nooo! Dog! Arf arf!
(Of course, by now the rest of the class had latched onto the duck call noise with their hands, and I had to quiet my room of quacking ducks down, which admittedly gave me an excuse to not have any reaction to the barking little livestock)
Don’t worry though, I was reassured by my co-worker’s friend, they only eat big dogs, not little ones. And that makes sense. No matter how good the meat was, could you imagine a whole pasture full of cockapoos?
I think I’d eat them first.
*Disclaimer- I am making no judgments here. Koreans eat dog, some people in China eat live lobsters, we eat pigs(which are supposedly almost as smart as humans), the Japanese eat their fish without cooking it, the Scottish eat sheep stomach…and ok seriously, kilts are weird enough, what made you think Haggis was a good idea?*
They do have burgers and fries and chicken sandwiches, which they never get quite right and always include some sauce I can’t identify which would simply be labled a “zesty asian sauce” in America
Til next time,
JT
Til next time,
JT
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Fried green sushis, water management, and skinny slacks.
You heard it here first- Tomorrow I get my Alien Registration Card (ARC for those of us on the internet LOL). And that means....
1. I can get a cell phone! I will be able to finally prove to cell phone companies I will be living in this country, and I will no longer be isolated! I tried to go to a get-together that was happening tonight, but no one could give me an address because the buildings are all in a jumbled mess AND THEY"RE IN KOREAN. unable to call for direction, I wandered in the rain, about the same two-block area for a good half-hour. When the people there started looking at my funny, I put on a far-off look and acted like I was contemplating the purpose of my existence. or coming home from a bar. I seriously contemplated tossing pebbles at windows with lights on. I was five minutes and one downpour away from sending smoke signals. Moral of the story? Cell phone = salvation (seriously, the eight-year-olds I teach all have them. not exaggerating. all.).
2. I can get a bank account! Because otherwise I'd just get handed a check at work (which I won't get for another month, so no worries, right?). Bank accounts let you do wonderful things like paying your electric bill, paying a monthly cell phone plan, and getting a sweet 20% discount to Everland theme park! But in lieu of having a bank account right now, I hear bars can cash paychecks....
and of course, a bank account means
3. I can get my own internet! I've been leeching other people's WiFi for close to two weeks now. Its time to finally join the super-wired nation that is south korea. (As if to prove this point, I did an exercize with one of my classes where we designed a theme park. what did all the classes with teenagers in them put in the park? internet cafes.)
So back to my classes. I'm a full-fledged teacher now, teaching solo all the time, and I'm often surprised at how good my students are. We discussed fish in my kindergarten class. One of my four-year-olds told me:
Teacher! Me! House! Fish! GCKKKK*makes throat cutting gesture*!
He had a fish. it died. now he has no fish. Kids that age are blunt little creatures.
Another class discovered I have no korean name, and decided to give me one. After carefully analyzing my first and last names in English, they settled on Dan Jae Hyun, with Dan being my family name, and Jae Hyun my name. It's a real name. I think it sounds cool. So, my avid readers and adoring fans, what do you think- does this name sound cool?
Also, Ive discovered how incredibly cheap it is to eat in this place if you find local restaurants that are not part of a big chain. Let me give one example.
Not twenty yards from the building in which I work is a Kimbap store, kimbap being korean for sushi. Now if sushi makes you instantly think "raw fish", you're close, but not quite. Sushi is vegetables and meat inside carbs (rice). almost the asian cultures' version of a sandwich. But what gave some picky japanese eater the right to decide that because he liked it best, the only meat that could go in sandwiches is cold, raw fish? Korea laughs at the idea. My Kimbap today had a hot, fried pork tenderloin inside. Taking something culturally significant to another country and filling it with fried meat?
I can't believe the Koreans beat us to this idea....
America, I give you this charge, let's do this and do it better. A bowl of Indian curry? Deep fry it with bacon. dust it with powdered sugar. dip it in cheese sauce. Thats a start.
Where was I?
Oh yes, eating on the cheap. anyway. I got basically a footlong of this korean version of a tenderloin sandwich, with essentially an au jous sauce, for $2.40. not bad.
I learned a korean expression at work. Americans often say "plenty of fish in the sea," meaning that there are lots of other nice people for you to choose from if you're seeking a relationship. The korean answer to "plenty of fish in the sea" is "water management". Water management is the process of only allowing the pretty people in.
I think I like this place.
Also, skinny jeans are ubiquitous, for men and women. Heck, the guys even wear skinny slacks as part of their school uniforms.
Fried meat in sushi, water management, and skinny slacks? America....we've got some catching up to do.
1. I can get a cell phone! I will be able to finally prove to cell phone companies I will be living in this country, and I will no longer be isolated! I tried to go to a get-together that was happening tonight, but no one could give me an address because the buildings are all in a jumbled mess AND THEY"RE IN KOREAN. unable to call for direction, I wandered in the rain, about the same two-block area for a good half-hour. When the people there started looking at my funny, I put on a far-off look and acted like I was contemplating the purpose of my existence. or coming home from a bar. I seriously contemplated tossing pebbles at windows with lights on. I was five minutes and one downpour away from sending smoke signals. Moral of the story? Cell phone = salvation (seriously, the eight-year-olds I teach all have them. not exaggerating. all.).
2. I can get a bank account! Because otherwise I'd just get handed a check at work (which I won't get for another month, so no worries, right?). Bank accounts let you do wonderful things like paying your electric bill, paying a monthly cell phone plan, and getting a sweet 20% discount to Everland theme park! But in lieu of having a bank account right now, I hear bars can cash paychecks....
and of course, a bank account means
3. I can get my own internet! I've been leeching other people's WiFi for close to two weeks now. Its time to finally join the super-wired nation that is south korea. (As if to prove this point, I did an exercize with one of my classes where we designed a theme park. what did all the classes with teenagers in them put in the park? internet cafes.)
So back to my classes. I'm a full-fledged teacher now, teaching solo all the time, and I'm often surprised at how good my students are. We discussed fish in my kindergarten class. One of my four-year-olds told me:
Teacher! Me! House! Fish! GCKKKK*makes throat cutting gesture*!
He had a fish. it died. now he has no fish. Kids that age are blunt little creatures.
Another class discovered I have no korean name, and decided to give me one. After carefully analyzing my first and last names in English, they settled on Dan Jae Hyun, with Dan being my family name, and Jae Hyun my name. It's a real name. I think it sounds cool. So, my avid readers and adoring fans, what do you think- does this name sound cool?
Also, Ive discovered how incredibly cheap it is to eat in this place if you find local restaurants that are not part of a big chain. Let me give one example.
Not twenty yards from the building in which I work is a Kimbap store, kimbap being korean for sushi. Now if sushi makes you instantly think "raw fish", you're close, but not quite. Sushi is vegetables and meat inside carbs (rice). almost the asian cultures' version of a sandwich. But what gave some picky japanese eater the right to decide that because he liked it best, the only meat that could go in sandwiches is cold, raw fish? Korea laughs at the idea. My Kimbap today had a hot, fried pork tenderloin inside. Taking something culturally significant to another country and filling it with fried meat?
I can't believe the Koreans beat us to this idea....
America, I give you this charge, let's do this and do it better. A bowl of Indian curry? Deep fry it with bacon. dust it with powdered sugar. dip it in cheese sauce. Thats a start.
Where was I?
Oh yes, eating on the cheap. anyway. I got basically a footlong of this korean version of a tenderloin sandwich, with essentially an au jous sauce, for $2.40. not bad.
I learned a korean expression at work. Americans often say "plenty of fish in the sea," meaning that there are lots of other nice people for you to choose from if you're seeking a relationship. The korean answer to "plenty of fish in the sea" is "water management". Water management is the process of only allowing the pretty people in.
I think I like this place.
Also, skinny jeans are ubiquitous, for men and women. Heck, the guys even wear skinny slacks as part of their school uniforms.
Fried meat in sushi, water management, and skinny slacks? America....we've got some catching up to do.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Seoul Train
It’s been a little longer this time, so I’ve got a longer post for you. Yeah, I’ll get a camera soon, too. I hope.
Hey! The capital of South Korea is called Seoul! And that sounds like the English word “soul”! I’m probably the first person to ever discover this crazy random happenstance, and as such, I will abuse my discovery ad nauseum in this post. And then you will never hear this particular wordplay from me ever again.
So
I didn’t know there was another living seoul in my building until after my first full day teaching seoulo on Friday. I was walking with my coworker to the train station and bumped into a group of them sitting at a table on the street just down the block from my apartment. The first week is rough, they all told me, and it was nice to have people there that understood my situation and could conseoul me for a while. But time was short, because we had a bus to catch. Let me backtrack.
My coworker had told me that there was a party in Itaewon to which she should take me. Itaewon is the Americatown of Seoul, but its really a Foreigntown, known for its many western-style bars frequented by American seouldiers. My coworker was showing me how to meet her there the next night. It was a wonderful idea, one that would finally help me break out of my iseoulation. Except she had forgotten a few important details.
1. I have no cell phone. If I get lost, I will be wandering around like a lost seoul, with only my trusty guidebook and my wallet to protect me.
2. I don’t speak the language. Which makes it difficult to even order a meal in a restaurant. I would probably sell my seoul for the ability to speak Korean at times like this.
3. I will be by myself navigating the subways. I might be able to seoulicit help from friendly English-speaking passengers, but it’s unlikely.
But all things considered, the subway was fine. She filled me in on work secrets on the way, but I had to promise not to tell a seoul about them. I arrived in the city exactly as planned, and was taken out for a traditional Korean dinner. Let me explain something about eating in Korea. For some reason, the cultures in Asia decided that using a knife or fork was a bad way to go about eating, and one should instead take two wooden sticks and pinch the food between them. Koreans, however, think the rest of Asia seould out with disposable wooden chopsticks, and they opt instead for slippery metal ones. Because they’re not difficult enough when they’re wooden, of course.
I met many wonderful English speakers at the party, and was wonderful to be able to pour out my seoul as to how difficult the world is when you don’t speak the language. I learned that makkoli (ricewine) and soju (weak wheat vodka) are seouluble in thin yoghurt and seven up (yeah, freaked me out too), and then everyone went looking for other bars to go to, and not a seoul was left that I had originally known. So I took a taxi back, but he dropped me off in the wrong area. Well, it was a dark night of the seoul, and I didn’t know the area, so I found a local cabbie who knew the exact apartment building. My night of Seoul searching had come to an end. Problem seoulved.
*throws up a little*
Now that THAT’s done, on to Sunday!
Sunday was spent getting over a sore throat I had come down with over the last couple days. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone out to a party feeling a little under the weather, but I’m not really in a position to turn down opportunities to meet people. So obviously, at some point I turned off my A/C and opened a window to allow the humid air to soothe my throat.
And that’s when all heck broke loose.
you see, a mosquito got in.
”oh no,” you mockingly cry, sneering at my obvious lack of cajones “everyone take cover! Don’t wet yourself! Hide in your bomb shelter”
…maybe that last one was a little too close to home this close to kim jong il…..
regardless, this is malaria country. So I put on long sleeves, pants, and socks, and so began a dance of death.
for fifteen hours, I dueled the mosquito. It would buzz right by my head, and I’d duck and come up swinging, but the crafty thing would always disappear into the shadows before I could catch it. I sat in silence, the picture of a meditating warrior, unmoving until my enemy would resurface.
Then I got bored and went to sleep.
In the MORNING, however, I ambushed it on the door to my closet. I used the forbidden death-swat technique. It was a formidable foe. God rest its seoul.
*punches self out*
Hey! The capital of South Korea is called Seoul! And that sounds like the English word “soul”! I’m probably the first person to ever discover this crazy random happenstance, and as such, I will abuse my discovery ad nauseum in this post. And then you will never hear this particular wordplay from me ever again.
So
I didn’t know there was another living seoul in my building until after my first full day teaching seoulo on Friday. I was walking with my coworker to the train station and bumped into a group of them sitting at a table on the street just down the block from my apartment. The first week is rough, they all told me, and it was nice to have people there that understood my situation and could conseoul me for a while. But time was short, because we had a bus to catch. Let me backtrack.
My coworker had told me that there was a party in Itaewon to which she should take me. Itaewon is the Americatown of Seoul, but its really a Foreigntown, known for its many western-style bars frequented by American seouldiers. My coworker was showing me how to meet her there the next night. It was a wonderful idea, one that would finally help me break out of my iseoulation. Except she had forgotten a few important details.
1. I have no cell phone. If I get lost, I will be wandering around like a lost seoul, with only my trusty guidebook and my wallet to protect me.
2. I don’t speak the language. Which makes it difficult to even order a meal in a restaurant. I would probably sell my seoul for the ability to speak Korean at times like this.
3. I will be by myself navigating the subways. I might be able to seoulicit help from friendly English-speaking passengers, but it’s unlikely.
But all things considered, the subway was fine. She filled me in on work secrets on the way, but I had to promise not to tell a seoul about them. I arrived in the city exactly as planned, and was taken out for a traditional Korean dinner. Let me explain something about eating in Korea. For some reason, the cultures in Asia decided that using a knife or fork was a bad way to go about eating, and one should instead take two wooden sticks and pinch the food between them. Koreans, however, think the rest of Asia seould out with disposable wooden chopsticks, and they opt instead for slippery metal ones. Because they’re not difficult enough when they’re wooden, of course.
I met many wonderful English speakers at the party, and was wonderful to be able to pour out my seoul as to how difficult the world is when you don’t speak the language. I learned that makkoli (ricewine) and soju (weak wheat vodka) are seouluble in thin yoghurt and seven up (yeah, freaked me out too), and then everyone went looking for other bars to go to, and not a seoul was left that I had originally known. So I took a taxi back, but he dropped me off in the wrong area. Well, it was a dark night of the seoul, and I didn’t know the area, so I found a local cabbie who knew the exact apartment building. My night of Seoul searching had come to an end. Problem seoulved.
*throws up a little*
Now that THAT’s done, on to Sunday!
Sunday was spent getting over a sore throat I had come down with over the last couple days. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone out to a party feeling a little under the weather, but I’m not really in a position to turn down opportunities to meet people. So obviously, at some point I turned off my A/C and opened a window to allow the humid air to soothe my throat.
And that’s when all heck broke loose.
you see, a mosquito got in.
”oh no,” you mockingly cry, sneering at my obvious lack of cajones “everyone take cover! Don’t wet yourself! Hide in your bomb shelter”
…maybe that last one was a little too close to home this close to kim jong il…..
regardless, this is malaria country. So I put on long sleeves, pants, and socks, and so began a dance of death.
for fifteen hours, I dueled the mosquito. It would buzz right by my head, and I’d duck and come up swinging, but the crafty thing would always disappear into the shadows before I could catch it. I sat in silence, the picture of a meditating warrior, unmoving until my enemy would resurface.
Then I got bored and went to sleep.
In the MORNING, however, I ambushed it on the door to my closet. I used the forbidden death-swat technique. It was a formidable foe. God rest its seoul.
*punches self out*
Thursday, September 2, 2010
And then...out of nowhere....A TYPHOON!
Oh yes, it hit last night. In all its rain-pouring, high-winding, power-lines-downing, window shattering fury. It was the first typhoon this Iowa boy had ever had the privelege to experience. And in the true style of a midwesterner greeting a powerful storm, I woke up, thought "oh, it's raining now", and went back to sleep. Life-altering. I'm humbled.
Well, now that the big news is out of the way, I can say with certainty this time that I am a teacher. I was asked on an Alien registration form what my occupation was, and I put Teacher. Not as my summer job, not as my what-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up, not as a facetious comment about the OBVIOUS disregard the government must have for our education system when tax dollars are being squandered in the bureacracy (maybe I should be a political blogger instead of a travel/teaching blogger. To give my brain a rest for a while.) But either way, I am a teacher now. Jeff-teacher. I kinda like the ring of that.
Anyway.
A breakdown of my classes. I teach between five and seven hours of class per day, with students between ages three and fourteen. My biggest class is sixteen students, and my smallest class is three. My students' skill levels range from those who can barely speak their native tongue to those who are conversationally fluent and working on their accent. I literally teach the highest and lowest level classes at the institute.
One/two lesson plans per day? not happening.
Kindergarten is by far the worst. Because Koreans count their age differently, some of these kindergarteners are three years old. Songs, games, arts, crafts, all the time. Intellection discussions? say bye-bye!
The highest level class is a pet project by my supervisor. (which I get a bonus for teaching. This in no way reflects my upcoming glowing review of this class) He calls them his "team". This class is wonderful to teach- very responsive, always willing to communicate, and they're strikingly good. Their skill level makes me actually feel ashamed of the US education system.
Did I get you there? Did you think I was looking down on us? Psych. Our high-level students speak english MUCH better than them. "But Jeff-teacher", you say, "not a fair comparison. It's a foreign language for them, and it's our native tongue!"
Well, the world's not fair. South Korea has realized something: English is the way to success in the world, because of America. Americans should stop trying to pretend all languages are of equal value. Koreans need to learn English to be a part of our success in the world- we don't need to learn Korean.
I found a GREAT place to learn Korean, by the way, because I need to really badly. I've been told they offer free lessons to anyone who wants to learn, and that will really help further my growth and ability to succeed in this career/country/life. Saturday mornings. Sign me up.
I learned quite a bit about my supervisor this week. He's an army veteran, wounded, on pension for life. Korean wounded vets get the following for life:
Free bus fare
Free subway
Free education (including college) for their children
Free medical bills
Free pharmacy
Free gas for their vehicles
50% off opera tickets
...and much much more! (including a payment every month)
Wow. What a deal. In all seriousness, I do like this system.
ALSO ("arso", according to my students. That thing about stereotypes? They're always true.)
Two years miliatary service is MANDATORY for all males ages 21(?)-25, with minor exceptions. Part of combat training is attaining black belt qualification in Tae Kwon Do.
TRAVELER TIP: looking to get in a bar fight? Do it in London. For the love of God, do not do it in Seoul. They will beat the crap out of you.
One more thing about my supervisor- I found out today that teaching is his hobby, he doesn't need this job. As the story goes, he once bet some of his military money on a horse race, and won. He then bet more. And he got very good, and kept winning. And now, for all of Korea, he is the number-two horse race gambler (not a wholesome trottin' race, no, but a race where they sit down right on the horse!). He's going to take me to a horserace sometime. Be excited for me.
Hopefully my co-workers will take me out to a bar or club this weekend. There's a karaoke place right next to my apartment...from what I HEAR, excitement awaits.
Adventurrrrrre is out theeeeerrrrrrrre!
'Til next time!
Jeff-teacher
Well, now that the big news is out of the way, I can say with certainty this time that I am a teacher. I was asked on an Alien registration form what my occupation was, and I put Teacher. Not as my summer job, not as my what-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up, not as a facetious comment about the OBVIOUS disregard the government must have for our education system when tax dollars are being squandered in the bureacracy (maybe I should be a political blogger instead of a travel/teaching blogger. To give my brain a rest for a while.) But either way, I am a teacher now. Jeff-teacher. I kinda like the ring of that.
Anyway.
A breakdown of my classes. I teach between five and seven hours of class per day, with students between ages three and fourteen. My biggest class is sixteen students, and my smallest class is three. My students' skill levels range from those who can barely speak their native tongue to those who are conversationally fluent and working on their accent. I literally teach the highest and lowest level classes at the institute.
One/two lesson plans per day? not happening.
Kindergarten is by far the worst. Because Koreans count their age differently, some of these kindergarteners are three years old. Songs, games, arts, crafts, all the time. Intellection discussions? say bye-bye!
The highest level class is a pet project by my supervisor. (which I get a bonus for teaching. This in no way reflects my upcoming glowing review of this class) He calls them his "team". This class is wonderful to teach- very responsive, always willing to communicate, and they're strikingly good. Their skill level makes me actually feel ashamed of the US education system.
Did I get you there? Did you think I was looking down on us? Psych. Our high-level students speak english MUCH better than them. "But Jeff-teacher", you say, "not a fair comparison. It's a foreign language for them, and it's our native tongue!"
Well, the world's not fair. South Korea has realized something: English is the way to success in the world, because of America. Americans should stop trying to pretend all languages are of equal value. Koreans need to learn English to be a part of our success in the world- we don't need to learn Korean.
I found a GREAT place to learn Korean, by the way, because I need to really badly. I've been told they offer free lessons to anyone who wants to learn, and that will really help further my growth and ability to succeed in this career/country/life. Saturday mornings. Sign me up.
I learned quite a bit about my supervisor this week. He's an army veteran, wounded, on pension for life. Korean wounded vets get the following for life:
Free bus fare
Free subway
Free education (including college) for their children
Free medical bills
Free pharmacy
Free gas for their vehicles
50% off opera tickets
...and much much more! (including a payment every month)
Wow. What a deal. In all seriousness, I do like this system.
ALSO ("arso", according to my students. That thing about stereotypes? They're always true.)
Two years miliatary service is MANDATORY for all males ages 21(?)-25, with minor exceptions. Part of combat training is attaining black belt qualification in Tae Kwon Do.
TRAVELER TIP: looking to get in a bar fight? Do it in London. For the love of God, do not do it in Seoul. They will beat the crap out of you.
One more thing about my supervisor- I found out today that teaching is his hobby, he doesn't need this job. As the story goes, he once bet some of his military money on a horse race, and won. He then bet more. And he got very good, and kept winning. And now, for all of Korea, he is the number-two horse race gambler (not a wholesome trottin' race, no, but a race where they sit down right on the horse!). He's going to take me to a horserace sometime. Be excited for me.
Hopefully my co-workers will take me out to a bar or club this weekend. There's a karaoke place right next to my apartment...from what I HEAR, excitement awaits.
Adventurrrrrre is out theeeeerrrrrrrre!
'Til next time!
Jeff-teacher
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)